I slumped slowly to the floor. The consequences of control, fear, broken trust, and crossed lines came crushing down on me in one huge smothering heap. It is amazing how Satan paints sin to appear so harmless, so enticing. “You’ll be fine, he whispers.” “He needs this to be fulfilled…you deserve it…no one understands what you are going through…I’ve got your back.” The list goes on and on. Once the lines are crossed, however, Satan so quickly switches from the enticer to the accuser. “You’ll never be fine…you’re worthless…you don’t deserve anything…no one cares what you are enduring…you are only good for one thing…I had nothing to do with this.” As these lies are reinforced by spoken word, they become engraved on the heart and the mind.
You see, my self-worth had become wrapped up in earthly approval. Trying to appease someone’s addiction never works. It ultimately results in placing your very essence into the palm of one who was never meant to hold it. The selfish nature of the addict builds up one moment, and crushes the next. This becomes the mind-altering pattern that creates a prison for the soul.
Please understand, it is not my intention to pass blame or responsibility for the mistakes I have made. There are many who could testify of my failures along the way. Oddly enough, God used someone walking the same blind road I walked to begin loosening the chains around my heart. This person told me of a movie which contained a quote pertaining specifically to me. The quote? “I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice.” The Shawshank Redemption
God often chooses unconventional ways to reach us, even when we are behaving erratically. No matter where you are, no matter your choices up to this point, God loves you. You matter so much to Him that He sent His only Son to die on the cross for every sin He knew would ever be committed. He loved me long before I knew how to accept His love and forgiveness. Simply ask and accept His forgiveness. Learn to forgive yourself. Learn to forgive the offender. Then step out in faith and fly out of that cage, ending the period of erratically waiting.
“Then Jesus said to them again, “Most assuredly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. All who ever came before Me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not hear them. I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” —John 10: 7– 10 NKJV